It’s Valentine’s Day all over the world except Brasil (we don’t celebrate until June 12^th). But I’m probably feeling as loving as I’ve ever felt. I felt chills when a random Brasilian poet walked up to me and my baiana sister Orin, asked if we spoke English, and then proceeded to gift us a stack of poems by D.H. Lawrence. Back in high school, I wrote my senior thesis on Lawrence’s Lady Chatterley’s Lover, one of the most erotic books of the early 1900s, and yes, my English teacher was cool like that. So to see Lawrence’s name resurface here in Brasil felt like an omen, and this particular poem hit me raw.

Search for Love

Those that go searching for love

Only manifest their own lovelessness

And the loveless never find love

Only the loving find love

And they never have to seek for it.

As I sit in my bedroom in Rio, writing, enjoying my career, living my life, and feeling loved by many people in many different ways, I am proud to say that indeed I have made a shift over the last few months and learned more about loving without the need to feel it reciprocated. I’m working toward loving my family better, loving my friends, loving my lovers, and loving people. And Lawrence says it best, the loving truly do find love. I feel it all around.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

I hope your day is beautiful, sexy, cool, and sweet.

Xoxo

Arielle Loren

It’s been a very very long time since I updated this blog with something related to my travels. I’ve been trekking across Brasil since September 2011, with the desire to actualize my dream of living in the country while pursuing my writing career. I’ve probably changed my plane ticket three times, had way too many almost-homeless scares, and certainly enough financial struggles to even make a broke college student blink twice. But finally, things are turning around and the universe has proven that it once again has everything under control.

I arrived in Rio de Janeiro almost 30 days ago with a little more than 20 U.S. dollars to my name and 4 months of Bahia memories. I attended a Vipassana silent meditation course for 10 days in Rio’s countryside (yes, it’s not all a city), received some much needed peace/clarity, ventured out into Rio de Janeiro the city when it was done, and began a journey that even my most well-connected friends and family members in the States are dumbfounded to explain. Without even trying, I’ve met some major artists doing groundbreaking work in Rio’s arts scene. I’ve had lunch with Black Brasilian activist legends. And I’ve met some incredible friends who have adopted me like family. After almost a month of craziness, hostel living, and so much uncertainty, I have finally achieved some balance in my traveling life. And I have made a huge decision.

I am staying in Rio de Janeiro…indefinitely. Meaning, I have no plans of going home and every intention of staying in Rio as long as possible.

The truth is that I had been on the fence about when I would return due to pending film festival applications for my film Bideology back in the United States. But as I have yet to receive a compelling offer, I’ve decided to truly pay attention to what all the signs seem to be telling me. The time and right opportunity will come for Bideology. It may not be a film festival premiere. It’s not something I should worry about. I need to focus on writing and Brasil is the place to do it.

That being said, I recently moved into a beautiful apartment in Rio that I’m sharing with an amazing young couple from Brasilia. And I’m steadfast building my writing portfolio, Corset (my magazine), and my consulting business to achieve a higher level of success. Opportunities have been flying out of the wind, allowing me to truly feel comfortable and confident in my progress here. And now that I’m feeling more financially secure, it’s looking like I’ll be able to prolong my love affair with Rio for as long as I please.

I want to thank everyone for all of your support and love during this process. Your messages have been very encouraging on Facebook, your emails have made some heavy transitioning days much lighter, and your donations have made the road smoother.

I made New York City my personal home almost five years ago. And now, I’m happy to say that Rio holds my next chapter.

I love you and if you’re ever in Rio de Janeiro, please let me know. I’d love to see you!

Until the next time we meet again…

Keep in touch,

Arielle Loren

I have some great news! Two months ago, I received an exciting email from the Women’s Media Center saying that renowned group of feminists, including Gloria Steinem, Jane Fonda, and Carol Jenkins, had selected me as a nominee for the Women’s Media Center Social Media Award. The nominees represent a diverse group of journalists and bloggers that use the Internet and social networking to make sure that the voices of women and girls are visible and powerful in the media. The winner will accept the award at the Women’s Media Center Women’s Media Award show alongside special honorees: Soledad O’Brien, Lara Logan, Yanique Richards, and Maggie Wilderotter. I am humbled to say the least.

Here’s what I need you to do:

Go to this website: http://action.womensmediacenter.com/page/s/social-media-award-2011 

(If you want to see my picture/bio, scroll your mouse to the right over the pictures until you see “Arielle Loren”)

And vote by scrolling down, filling out the form, and selecting Arielle Loren from the list of nominees. It takes less than 180 seconds to do the whole thing and I’d definitely appreciate it!

In addition, if you really want to help (after you vote), please post on Facebook or Twitter “My friend Arielle Loren is up for the 2011 Women’s Media Center Social Media Award. Vote for her! (it takes less than 2 minutes) http://action.womensmediacenter.com/page/s/social-media-award-2011” 

And one more (very important) thing:

I’ve launched a fundraising campaign to cover the remaining costs of my travels, film, and new magazine. As many of you know, I have self-financed all of my projects in the past and the majority of my travels. But now, more than ever, I really, REALLY need your support, even if it’s only $15. If you’ve ever enjoyed one of my articles or been inspired by what I do, I’d appreciate a donation. I can’t do this alone anymore.

Click here to go to my fundraising page: http://www.gofundme.com/arielleloren

I mean it when I say that no donation is too small and have some great rewards to offer for your support!

I know this award and even the reasons behind this campaign would not have been possible without your support. And for that, I am thankful and look forward to taking my work to the next level to empower more people interested in women’s issues, sexuality, health, and traveling the world.

Onward and upward!

Sending you hugs from Brasil,

Arielle

Last week, Raynard Jackson penned a critique of Essence Magazine for losing its core mission of empowering black women and showcasing us outside of the mainstream spotlight.

He writes:

The impetus behind the founding of Essence was to show a side of Black women that was never portrayed in the mainstream media. Images of Black women were controlled by white media outlets that had little to no knowledge of the Black community. Most of these images were very stereotypical and lacking substance…

Now, Essence is just another Hollywood rag (focused on Black women), sprinkled with a few substantive, positive stories; but, that is no longer their focus!

I’d agree that Essence’s content primarily focuses on Black Hollywood. But I wouldn’t necessarily call that a bad move. What other publications are paying tribute to black female entertainers? Where else can we read feature interviews and view covers of Jill Scott, Laila Ali, Taraji Henson, or Sanaa Lathan? The truth is that print is a different world than online media. Point blank, celebrities sell rags faster than ordinary black people and social commentary. It is what it is, not what it should be.

Does Essence’s celebrity focus need some expanding? Certainly. As Zettler Clay of Clutch Magazine pointed out, there are enough Essence covers of Beyonce, Gabrielle Union, Monique or Mary J. Blige to last a lifetime. Why not showcase some new talent on the front page? Personally, I’d rather read a cover of Cathy Hughes on how she built Radio One and became an international powerhouse. Or why not pass the torch to Mara Brock-Akil or Ava Duvernay, two black female filmmakers changing the game?

Not everything Hollywood is bad, but it does take some creativity to make celebrity covers relatable to regular folks. In high school, I remember telling my journalism class that I wanted to be the next Angela Burt-Murray. And when I finally met her, I literally was speechless. I have nothing but respect for Essence and its editorial team. And before any of us pass judgement, until you know what it’s like to sell a print publication and increase circulation every year, be respectful with your comments.

How can Essence step up its editorial content? Speak on it.

On Friday, I penned a commentary piece for Clutch Magazine, asking the question: Is Beyonce the Face of Contemporary Feminism?

Of course, I expected backlash for putting Beyonce and feminism in the same sentence. But truthfully, everything written in that article represents a shift in identity for many women across the United States.

It’s not that Beyonce is the next Gloria Steinem or Angela Davis. Simply put, she represents a brand of feminism in which women are tired of suppressing their sexual selves in exchange for being labeled a powerhouse for all of their other multidimensional qualities.

I find it interesting that many women claim to love Beyonce for “superficial” reasons, but clearly identify with her music in some capacity. As listed in the article, Beyonce represents many aspects of womanhood between the success of her career and her sexual confidence. The question remains:

Why does her sexuality (in terms of public expression) conflict with feminism?

Is feminism not about empowering our whole selves?

I find it interesting that traditional feminists conveniently forget that black women have been hip dipping and gyrating for centuries. Beyonce isn’t the queen of anything new, but she is representative of a staple in our ancestral dance culture.

Why is it now “hypersexual” in the context of mainstream media? Because white people are watching? I’m more concerned about finding ways to incorporate our culture and sex-positive discussions into the feminist movement. Frankly, “they” are the last priority on my list of concerns.

It’s one thing to complain that there are too many Beyonce’s in the media. I’d agree, but suggesting that she isn’t about the empowerment of women is blasphemy. Too many Destiny’s Child songs and black female karaoke sessions have proved otherwise. And there’s a reason why our First Lady can publicly state that she loves Beyonce.

Beyonce plays her role in feminism and admittedly, she’s not the spokesperson for “the pay gap between men and women or the degrading lyrics of hip-hop,” as my writer-friend Bene Viera argued. Her brand of empowerment definitely focuses on women stepping outside of the realm of shame for being sexually confident, independent, and driven in their careers.

I am disappointed in feminists that simply label Beyonce, tits and ass. Her multi-platform success has proven otherwise, she’s not just “another video vixen.” Until feminism stops becoming a clique and something primarily exclusive of the Academy, it will continue to lose power and fail to connect with a new generation of women.

Does Beyonce represent every woman? Absolutely, not. She caters to a particular feminine side of our gender and those who aren’t afraid to wear sexual confidence on their sleeves.

Many women relate to rocking freakum dresses, graduating from prestigious universities, building powerhouse careers, and loving their families, all at the same time. Regardless of whether or not you agree with Beyonce’s body performance politics, we ought to inspire young women to be confident in every aspect of themselves…not just the non-sexual characteristics.

Identity is a gumbo.

Powerful. Intelligent. Career-driven. Family-oriented. Feminine. Masculine. Sexual.

All of these adjectives can exist simultaneously. And that’s the feminism that will inspire a revival in the movement. I’m ready for the fourth wave.

Some people never find THE ONE. They find THE TWO, THREE, FOUR, or FIVE. They find that love can exist simultaneously for multiple partners. And, they love more than one partner openly. What if this, polyamory, was the norm for contemporary intimate relationships?

Monogamy is not for everyone. Since the beginning of time, humans have loved multiple partners simultaneously, some in secrecy and others in the open.  As polyamorous relationships are based in openness, perhaps, it’s the answer to most “monogamous” couple’s infidelity issues. I hate cheating for its secrecy and deceit. However, if all partners, regardless of gender, have the freedom to love more than one person openly, I call that fair game.

Here’s where things start to get interesting…

Theoretically, polygamy allows for a man to openly have more than one wife and a woman can have more than one husband…or perhaps even a woman can have more than one wife or a man can have more than one husband. You get my drift (I have yet to hear of homosexual polygamy but please feel free to drop knowledge if I’m out of the loop). Theoretically, I would call polygamy fair, except in most circumstances only the men get the polygamous “privileges.” I find that heterosexual polygamy often contains an abundance of gender prejudice, limiting a woman’s sexual empowerment and equal opportunity for polygamous love. Thus, it’s rare that I appreciate polygamous societies because they’re dripping with patriarchy. Polygamy ought to facilitate equal marriage opportunity for all genders, not just the person with the penis.

Perhaps, this is just a reflection of the historically oppressive institution of marriage. If we examine history, many women did not have sexual agency within their relationships, or any rights at all. I would argue that marriage has progressed significantly in contemporary times, yet most “contemporary” polygamous societies (i.e. mormons) aren’t very “contemporary” in women’s empowerment.

Is polyamory any different? Well, I would argue yes. From the numerous polyamorous women that I’ve encountered, many of them happily participate in this lifestyle and meet polyamorous men that accept them for who they are. While some polyamorous women are married, the majority of the women I’ve met are single. And no, polyamorous marriages do not necessarily equal polygamy. In fact, there are laws in this country forbidding legal marriage to more than one person. Why? I’m not sure. I feel like if people want to be married to more than one person OPENLY, they should have that right.

Nevertheless, here are the questions that I want to ask…

Why are women expected to be monogamous? Why does polygamy continue to facilitate prejudice toward women in most societies? Can women in polyamory help transform traditional polygamy should it become legal? Drop your thoughts…

*My partner in polyamory discourse “crime,” Vyzion 360, has joined me in posting on polyamory today. Check out Vyzion’s post, “A Letter to the Monogamous Masses” here and join the conversation.