It’s been a very very long time since I updated this blog with something related to my travels. I’ve been trekking across Brasil since September 2011, with the desire to actualize my dream of living in the country while pursuing my writing career. I’ve probably changed my plane ticket three times, had way too many almost-homeless scares, and certainly enough financial struggles to even make a broke college student blink twice. But finally, things are turning around and the universe has proven that it once again has everything under control.

I arrived in Rio de Janeiro almost 30 days ago with a little more than 20 U.S. dollars to my name and 4 months of Bahia memories. I attended a Vipassana silent meditation course for 10 days in Rio’s countryside (yes, it’s not all a city), received some much needed peace/clarity, ventured out into Rio de Janeiro the city when it was done, and began a journey that even my most well-connected friends and family members in the States are dumbfounded to explain. Without even trying, I’ve met some major artists doing groundbreaking work in Rio’s arts scene. I’ve had lunch with Black Brasilian activist legends. And I’ve met some incredible friends who have adopted me like family. After almost a month of craziness, hostel living, and so much uncertainty, I have finally achieved some balance in my traveling life. And I have made a huge decision.

I am staying in Rio de Janeiro…indefinitely. Meaning, I have no plans of going home and every intention of staying in Rio as long as possible.

The truth is that I had been on the fence about when I would return due to pending film festival applications for my film Bideology back in the United States. But as I have yet to receive a compelling offer, I’ve decided to truly pay attention to what all the signs seem to be telling me. The time and right opportunity will come for Bideology. It may not be a film festival premiere. It’s not something I should worry about. I need to focus on writing and Brasil is the place to do it.

That being said, I recently moved into a beautiful apartment in Rio that I’m sharing with an amazing young couple from Brasilia. And I’m steadfast building my writing portfolio, Corset (my magazine), and my consulting business to achieve a higher level of success. Opportunities have been flying out of the wind, allowing me to truly feel comfortable and confident in my progress here. And now that I’m feeling more financially secure, it’s looking like I’ll be able to prolong my love affair with Rio for as long as I please.

I want to thank everyone for all of your support and love during this process. Your messages have been very encouraging on Facebook, your emails have made some heavy transitioning days much lighter, and your donations have made the road smoother.

I made New York City my personal home almost five years ago. And now, I’m happy to say that Rio holds my next chapter.

I love you and if you’re ever in Rio de Janeiro, please let me know. I’d love to see you!

Until the next time we meet again…

Keep in touch,

Arielle Loren

I have some great news! Two months ago, I received an exciting email from the Women’s Media Center saying that renowned group of feminists, including Gloria Steinem, Jane Fonda, and Carol Jenkins, had selected me as a nominee for the Women’s Media Center Social Media Award. The nominees represent a diverse group of journalists and bloggers that use the Internet and social networking to make sure that the voices of women and girls are visible and powerful in the media. The winner will accept the award at the Women’s Media Center Women’s Media Award show alongside special honorees: Soledad O’Brien, Lara Logan, Yanique Richards, and Maggie Wilderotter. I am humbled to say the least.

Here’s what I need you to do:

Go to this website: http://action.womensmediacenter.com/page/s/social-media-award-2011 

(If you want to see my picture/bio, scroll your mouse to the right over the pictures until you see “Arielle Loren”)

And vote by scrolling down, filling out the form, and selecting Arielle Loren from the list of nominees. It takes less than 180 seconds to do the whole thing and I’d definitely appreciate it!

In addition, if you really want to help (after you vote), please post on Facebook or Twitter “My friend Arielle Loren is up for the 2011 Women’s Media Center Social Media Award. Vote for her! (it takes less than 2 minutes) http://action.womensmediacenter.com/page/s/social-media-award-2011” 

And one more (very important) thing:

I’ve launched a fundraising campaign to cover the remaining costs of my travels, film, and new magazine. As many of you know, I have self-financed all of my projects in the past and the majority of my travels. But now, more than ever, I really, REALLY need your support, even if it’s only $15. If you’ve ever enjoyed one of my articles or been inspired by what I do, I’d appreciate a donation. I can’t do this alone anymore.

Click here to go to my fundraising page: http://www.gofundme.com/arielleloren

I mean it when I say that no donation is too small and have some great rewards to offer for your support!

I know this award and even the reasons behind this campaign would not have been possible without your support. And for that, I am thankful and look forward to taking my work to the next level to empower more people interested in women’s issues, sexuality, health, and traveling the world.

Onward and upward!

Sending you hugs from Brasil,

Arielle

I like change…a lot. In fact, I’m starting to get a bit restless or perhaps, even more curious to see the globe. Four months ago, I left a full-time marketing position to pursue the life of a full-time artist. I had a challenging summer, and then a month ago, I finally made the “big move” to Salvador (Bahia), Brasil. I’ve discovered a lot about myself, some things I suspected, other epiphanies arrived completely out the blue.

But before I get into that, you’re obviously noticing a completely different ArielleLoren.com. I had the site updated to convey my expanding vision and growth as an individual (I also get bored with web designs very easily, so a new look once or twice a year is normal for me). I have to send a bunch of love to Nate Pollard (my oh so patient web developer), Donnie Ramsey (my tireless graphic designer), and Saddi Khali (one of the most talented photographers I’ve ever met, and man behind my pictures across the site). Click my name at the top to arrive home and walk through the new house.

That being said…with a new look comes stronger mantras. And of course, I’m going to share them with you.

1. I am my first priority. And it feels oh so good. Every day, I put my happiness first. I’ve been loving me, from dinner dates on the beach to engaging in activities that I’ve always wanted to do, but never made the time (I went to my first belly dancing class last week, talk about sexy!). I’m re-learning self-love, as it’s an active, continuous process and mandatory for spiritual growth. But to be blunt, I’ve also grown stronger in weeding bullshit out of my life, people included. I only accept consistent love from those who want to be a witness or active participant in my journey. And I’ve been extremely fortunate to attract the most beautiful sister friends here in Brasil. Men, not so much. But women, yes! I feel nurtured, empowered, and loved in these new friendships. They’ve become a reflection of the new standard I’ve set in this relationship with myself. I am what I attract, and a work in progress.
2. I must step outside my comfort zone daily. Discomfort exposes weakness, in numerous ways. When you move to a new country, don’t speak the language well, and have few friends, you become intimate with the unfamiliar. I’ve had consistent battles with my ego over mustering the courage to even order food. After a hundred “Huh? Nao entende,” I started to beat myself up over my Portuguese pronunciation. Admittedly, I’ve only been here 3.5 weeks, and have never enrolled in a Portuguese language class in my life. But you know how writers are: we have to be masters of the word. And how humbling it has been to have very few people understand me. Nevertheless, it’s inspired a lot of internal reflection about my own feelings of inadequacy. I’m growing and thankful.
3. I cannot control the timing of love, but I can manifest it. I’ve probably joked for the last year (half seriously) about finding my husband in Brasil. But frankly, after a week in Salvador, I knew that it would likely not go down, or at least, not with a local Bahian man. I’ve primarily been enjoying the city with friends, but on the few occasions that I’ve interacted on a “romantic” level with local men, I’ve found myself bored with the immediate, “I want to f**k you, but bring nothing to the table.” No conversation (well, admittedly, I can’t speak Portuguese, anyway). No courting process (perhaps, blame it on capitalism and poverty?). Just a simple, “can I have sex with you in a shower at my job?” And yes, that was a real proposition. I’m a sexuality writer, so of course, I’m no prude. But at this point, it takes just a bit more than a beautiful face and body for the draws to drop. Unless you catch me on a lucky day, then the best you’ll get is a one-night stand. My mind is too promiscuous for low bar fruit. And since I already know that I am an amazing woman, I want a man that holds himself in the same light, up to the same standard, and demands only the best. I’ve already spoken this man into existence, as magnificent, kind, nurturing, intelligent, and beautiful as he is (my good friends will tell you that I spoke my last “boyfriend” into existence. He arrived three months later looking exactly as I described, exact career profile, exact personality, but of course, like any human with flaws. It didn’t work out, but nonetheless, it just reaffirmed my power to manifest). I’m in Brasil to build myself into a stronger woman and human. And in that continuous process, I will encounter my life partner.
4. I own my labor. I have one plan: to be successful as a writer, filmmaker, and entrepreneur. The details of that path will unfold as time passes, but I don’t entertain Plan B’s. No more 9-5’s just to pay rent. I’ll freelance to exasperation before I return to the 40-hours-of-lost-time-a-week lifestyle. I recognize that I am borderline insane to the majority of people living “normal” lives. I got over that, years ago. Millions of people dream of being a full-time artist, few are willing to put the work in. In the words of Will Smith, “The only thing that I see that is distinctly different about me is I’m not afraid to die on a treadmill. I will not be outworked, period. You might have more talent than me, you might be smarter than me, you might be sexier than me, you might be all of those things you got it on me in nine categories. But if we get on the treadmill together, there are two things: you’re getting off first, or I’m going to die. It’s really that simple.” Yes, Will, say it for the both of us.
5. I am redefining home. I’ve learned to live and cultivate serenity in just about any given country. It requires self-awareness, a core understanding of who you are, and comfort outside the familiar. Home is relative. And while I’ll always love and visit my family, friends, and colleagues, I can’t provide anyone with a date for when I’ll officially “return” to the United States. Visit, yes. Return, who knows. Right now, I just want to travel and see the world. My passport is my golden ticket.

These five mantras have guided my thoughts over the last month of living in Brasil, and extinguished the anxiety that I held over the summer about life post-nine-to-five structure. While I certainly don’t have all the solutions to living a fruitful life, I do have the answers. I am proud to walk this journey, passion and joy first.

I’m evolving, but excited to reconnect with all of you and invite more people to share our passion for empowering women, discussing sexuality, cultivating health, and discovering the new worlds inside traveling.

As always…Minha casa é sua casa. Welcome back to the site. Let’s walk together.

Much love from Brasil,

Arielle Loren

P.S. I’ve launched a fundraising campaign to alleviate the costs of my creative endeavors and travels. If you have $15 or more dollars to spare, I have some great rewards to offer for your monetary support. http://www.gofundme.com/arielleloren

On a cool Tuesday morning, I was minding my business, perusing my Facebook updates and scanning my Twitter timeline. Suddenly, a trusted, well-respected Facebook friend posted a link from Bossip declaring that Will and Jada Smith were separating. Initially, I laughed. For one, who takes anything that Bossip says seriously? Two, a good friend in Jamaica spotted Will and Jada together last week, vacationing around St. Ann’s. Three, there’s no way that the Smiths, who always have lead by example, would pull the separation card after 13 years of apparent bliss.

But nonetheless, I clicked through the link and saw that InTouch Weekly actually was the source, a small step up from Bossip yet the same publication that declared Beyonce pregnant when we all knew she was not. Thus, I still wasn’t convinced, and went about my day thinking that the majority of blogs and news outlets shared my sentiments. There was no way that this rumor should be held in the same regard as truth.

I was wrong, completely wrong. Almost every media outlet bit the bait, and what followed suit is proof that humanity thrives on negativity. The comments that filled my social media streams were disheartening.

“We never know what goes on behind the scenes. Told y’all Will and Jada were just frontin’ for the cameras.”

“Maybe Jada is finally coming out the closet! Not surprised!”

“How many of you still believe in open marriages? SMH! Will and Jada’s marriage should’ve never been held in high regard.”

I fully disclose that I love Will and Jada Smith. It’s not because I know them personally, but rather they come across as impeccable human beings, a rare feat in Hollywood. I’ve watched countless interviews and speeches by Will in which he stresses the importance of maintaining a strong work ethic and always remaining a student of the universe. He is the reason that I finally broke down and bought my would-be favorite book, The Alchemist, the first introduction to my now favorite author, Paulo Coelho. It was the greatest literary gift that I’ve ever received.

But I also admire Jada for staying in the acting game and following her dreams to become a heavy-metal singer. She is the epitome of badass, blazing paths for more black women to achieve high quality artistic careers, while simultaneously juggling the demands of motherhood. Together with Will, she’s guiding her children through a world that expects them to fail, and not turn out as fully actualized human beings. She protects them yet gives them the freedom to find their purpose in this world while instilling core values, such as “privilege isn’t a pass for laziness.”

Beyond stellar careers and admirable parenting, I hold Will and Jada’s tenets for marriage in high regard. They cite their success as a result of constant communication, physical affection, sexual spontaneity (and consistency), honesty, and divorce as a non-option. They’ve also made a decision to maintain an open marriage.

It is unfortunate that an abundance of negativity reared its ugly head in the midst of the rumors, as many automatically assumed that the couple’s nonchalance toward seeing other people came back to bite them in the behind. What people forget is that there’s power in romantic freedom just like there’s power in choosing monogamy. Will and Jada have decided that their bond is strong enough and unthreatened by outside attractions. It’s not that either would necessarily act on those attractions, but rather if there was a desire to act, the rules of their marriage accommodate each other’s natural libido. I find their stance incredibly confident and powerful. It’s one that I hope to achieve and share with my husband, as I firmly believe that we, as humans, cannot own another human being physically, emotionally, or spiritually. We can choose to submit to each other, but also we decide how much freedom should exist in that submission.

At this point in my life, I’ve seen the best and worst of monogamy. I’ve also witnessed the same for polyamory. While I certainly don’t know who, what, where, when or how I’ll meet my life partner, I do know that I’ve grown to value my freedom in many aspects. I anticipate the day that I find another human being to whom I can reveal my secrets, desires, and attractions without posing a threat to our relationship. Regardless of what boundaries we set, I pray that we both feel free and actualized as human beings, both as individuals and as a unit.

Will and Jada have quelled the rumors and stated their marriage is very much “intact.” For the inspiration that they’ve provided in my life, I wish them nothing but happiness and longevity. What a beautiful example of authentic love.

On Friday, I penned a commentary piece for Clutch Magazine, asking the question: Is Beyonce the Face of Contemporary Feminism?

Of course, I expected backlash for putting Beyonce and feminism in the same sentence. But truthfully, everything written in that article represents a shift in identity for many women across the United States.

It’s not that Beyonce is the next Gloria Steinem or Angela Davis. Simply put, she represents a brand of feminism in which women are tired of suppressing their sexual selves in exchange for being labeled a powerhouse for all of their other multidimensional qualities.

I find it interesting that many women claim to love Beyonce for “superficial” reasons, but clearly identify with her music in some capacity. As listed in the article, Beyonce represents many aspects of womanhood between the success of her career and her sexual confidence. The question remains:

Why does her sexuality (in terms of public expression) conflict with feminism?

Is feminism not about empowering our whole selves?

I find it interesting that traditional feminists conveniently forget that black women have been hip dipping and gyrating for centuries. Beyonce isn’t the queen of anything new, but she is representative of a staple in our ancestral dance culture.

Why is it now “hypersexual” in the context of mainstream media? Because white people are watching? I’m more concerned about finding ways to incorporate our culture and sex-positive discussions into the feminist movement. Frankly, “they” are the last priority on my list of concerns.

It’s one thing to complain that there are too many Beyonce’s in the media. I’d agree, but suggesting that she isn’t about the empowerment of women is blasphemy. Too many Destiny’s Child songs and black female karaoke sessions have proved otherwise. And there’s a reason why our First Lady can publicly state that she loves Beyonce.

Beyonce plays her role in feminism and admittedly, she’s not the spokesperson for “the pay gap between men and women or the degrading lyrics of hip-hop,” as my writer-friend Bene Viera argued. Her brand of empowerment definitely focuses on women stepping outside of the realm of shame for being sexually confident, independent, and driven in their careers.

I am disappointed in feminists that simply label Beyonce, tits and ass. Her multi-platform success has proven otherwise, she’s not just “another video vixen.” Until feminism stops becoming a clique and something primarily exclusive of the Academy, it will continue to lose power and fail to connect with a new generation of women.

Does Beyonce represent every woman? Absolutely, not. She caters to a particular feminine side of our gender and those who aren’t afraid to wear sexual confidence on their sleeves.

Many women relate to rocking freakum dresses, graduating from prestigious universities, building powerhouse careers, and loving their families, all at the same time. Regardless of whether or not you agree with Beyonce’s body performance politics, we ought to inspire young women to be confident in every aspect of themselves…not just the non-sexual characteristics.

Identity is a gumbo.

Powerful. Intelligent. Career-driven. Family-oriented. Feminine. Masculine. Sexual.

All of these adjectives can exist simultaneously. And that’s the feminism that will inspire a revival in the movement. I’m ready for the fourth wave.

I expect 2011 to be nothing short of amazement and greatness. I’m already in activation mode to relaunch the Ask Arielle Loren series, but this time I’ll be answering your anonymous sexuality questions via formspring through video talks on my YouTube channel! In the meantime, I figured that I would drop 7 Sexuality Resolutions for 2011. As I look forward to bringing more discussions on sexuality to the forefront, we should all create more space for conversation, knowledge, and new experiences in our lives. Let’s get started.

In 2011, you will….

1. Refuse to ignore your curiosities and urges. If something’s on your brain in regards to sexuality, you will ask, research, and discuss it openly. Growth does not come through silence!

2. Find like-minded individuals that advocate for your sexual growth. We need to start building stronger communities for open discussions on sexuality. I’ve truly enjoyed talking with all of you over the last year. It’s helped me grow intellectually and personally. Thank you for sharing yourselves and I hope that we can bring more people into our conversations!

3. Be up front with your partner(s) about what you want. Suppression and dishonesty do not work well in any type of friendship or relationship. Not only should we be seeking communities that advocate sexuality discourse but also we should have these conversations at “home.” Talk to your partner(s) about what you like, want to explore, or just your general thoughts. It’ll either make your relationship stronger or maybe you’ll realize it needs some real work!

4. Discuss sexuality frequently, not simply when in crisis. Sexuality shouldn’t just be something to discuss when we read a disturbing research report, learn of a sexual crime, or if someone asks our advice. Initiate conversations. Talk to your friends, families, and perhaps, even strangers (I’m serious). You never know what people are going through. Your vocal “bravery” could address something that they’re scared to bring up themselves.

5. Stop being ashamed. There is nothing under the sexual sun that has not been done or discussed. If we don’t bring sexuality discourse to the forefront as a collective of people who truly care, who will? Again, what you say, someone else likely was thinking. Be the first to initiate or at the very least, chime in when you hear a conversation already going. The more voices, the better.

6. Read. Find great sexuality writers like Lidia-Anain, Twanna Hines, and Dante, so you can talk sexuality in a variety of spaces. This is another way to find like-minded individuals to advocate for your sexual growth, as mentioned above.

7. Push yourself as far as you want to be pushed. Try new things but take baby steps if necessary. I recognize that everyone has their boundaries within the realm of sexuality. Cool. If you’re not ready to try dominatrix, polyamory, swinging, or another sexual practice, it’s not a requirement to become a sex-positive, open sexuality advocate. However, if you’re curious about those things, try them! Sign up for a class or connect with someone in the community (see #6 for a roadmap). If not, sit back and learn something by reading or listening to discussions on those communities. We can all learn from each other and who knows, perhaps our hesitancy to try was routed in fear and misunderstanding.

**Bonus** Resolution (but likely one of the most important)- HEALTH! Get tested. Go to the doctor. Protect Yourself. Be Smart. I wrote a piece this week for Clutch Magazine on condoms and STD tests and Part 2 will cover birth control next week, so stay tuned! (thanks to Kamasi for reminding me to add this bonus!)

I’m going to stop there. Seven is my favorite number, but I’m sure there are more resolutions to be added. Feel free to drop me yours in the comments. Happy Holidays and New Year everyone. xoxoxo