I find it so fascinating that American culture remains obsessed with the story of down low bisexual men “giving” straight women HIV. Between Oprah’s two down low men specials and Tyler Perry’s For Colored Girls’ scene starring Janet Jackson, I almost climbed out a window and dangled myself in the face of death…after all when unmarried women sleep with ANY man unprotected, that’s essentially what they’re doing.
Before some of y’all get your panties up in a bunch, let me provide a disclaimer. On this blog, the only woman who gets a free pass from a lecture on unprotected sex is the married one. She can legally hold her husband accountable for his infidelity, unmarried women cannot. It is what it is, not what it should be. And I’m not here to debate the politics of marriage and commitment. More women are contracting HIV everyday, and we have filmmakers and major media personalities that are stuck on promoting unrealistic stereotypes.
As black women remain the highest demographic of new hiv diagnoses, it is so dangerous for media to constantly shift the responsibility off women to bisexual men. First off, where is the data that states bisexual men are the overwhelming cause of women getting HIV? Secondly, if 72% of black babies are being born out of wedlock, a ton of unmarried black women are having unprotected sex and, thus, risking their health for pleasure.
Tyler Perry’s scene is NOT the norm. Married black women remain such a small demographic of our community that even common sense should tell you this story is a minute fraction of reality. This is not to say that there haven’t been cases, but it’s rare.
As Pearl Cleage wrote in What Looks Like Crazy on an Ordinary Day, “I got HIV from fucking men.” For most women, that’s the reality. Sexual orientation is irrelevant. The truth is that unprotected sex feels good and better than protected sex, so let’s stop beating around the bush. And if women want to take the risk of engaging in that type of contact with their male partners, there is no one to blame but themselves. Wrap It Up or Shut Up. That’s my new campaign and I may actually launch it.
There’s something else that deeply disappointed me with Perry’s FCG scene. He had the opportunity to mainstream a nuanced discussion on male bisexuality in heterosexual relationships, and instead he fell into the stereotypical trap. I always ask women who complain about undercover bisexual men, are you prepared to listen and have discussions on male bisexuality within your heterosexual relationships? If he was upfront with you, how would you process or stereotype him? ::cue my documentary, The Bi-deology Project:: The overwhelming response is “HELL NO” or if the woman is more polite, “I’d be uncomfortable.” Of course, I ask why and the woman typically replies with a media stereotype ::cue Tyler Perry, Oprah, DL Hughley, Sherri Sheppard:: saying that bisexual men are more likely to transmit HIV and can’t be monogamous with women.
Wow…so now we’re in the business of telling people whether or not they practice safe sex, are STD free, and incapable of being monogamous…without even asking them or getting them tested? I wonder if people assume that every black woman they meet has HIV? After all, we are the number one growing demographic of new HIV cases…at least there’s been research that proves that.
I’m just saying, the longer we continue to base HIV contraction on stereotypes, the more we continue to shoot down the FACT that HIV doesn’t have a name or face. The longer we run from recognizing that not everyone that wants a heterosexual relationship has a purely heterosexual past, the longer honest conversations on sexuality will be oppressed and hidden. The longer we think that we can see these things coming, the more we will continue to sacrifice ourselves.
Someone please tell Mr. Perry to leave the conversations about sexuality to someone that has better intentions than melodrama. Yes, you can keep your script and your down low HIV man too.
I hope that this post, and other’s like it, will reach enough women and combat some of the small realities that he and countless others have managed to mainstream. We can and will do better.
