A very wise young woman gave me the title of this post while I was listening to the post-screening panel discussion of The Black Girl Project. She declared, “love is not an emotion, it’s a discipline.”

While the young woman was referring to romantic love, I’d like to remix the sentiment of the quote, so that it applies to my writing. I eat, breath, and sleep by the pen. It is the only activity that tugs on my heart and truly the only thing that I can see myself doing at 95 years old. Massaging words will never get old and constructing thought-provoking sentences remains my livelihood.

I’m not sure how I got to this place of writing particularly about gender & sexuality. I guess that I would blame it on going to the queerest university in the United States lol. While it did not teach me how to write, New York University made me the social thinker that I am.

That being said, this week’s hiatus of content on my blog is due to just that…thinking. After penning my second article for Clutch, its popularity must have gotten wind with one of the editors over at Carnal Nation. Not only did they ask to repost my piece on Female Masculinity, but they invited me to pen some original content for the site. As Carnal Nation pieces typically are longer than the standard 500-750 word blog post, it took tremendous time and effort for me to think through my intellectual argument and make it digestible. I finished my first piece tonight and I am excited to share it with you all to see your thoughts. Just to give a teaser, I titled the article Hip “Pop” is Drag: Butches, Femmes, & Homothugs (this title may be changed by the editors though, so don’t hold your breath lol). I essentially discussed popular stereotypes of homosexuality in hip “pop” (my name for this contemporary popular music that is so different from original hip hop). It was a tough intersectional argument, but I pray that I nailed it. I like to come out the womb kicking anytime I start writing for a new site.

I’ll be sure to post the article on my blog once it’s up. I suspect that it will be published sometime next week.

As I profess my love for writing, I need to do a better job at discplining myself to keep y’all updated through posting on my blog. I sometimes feel like there’s no point in writing unless I have something “deep” to say, but not everything has to be deep. Sometimes simple thoughts are enough

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support through the writing process. It has truly been a crazy two days.

xoxoxo

Arielle Loren

I once heard that love is simple. You care for someone, you’re willing to sacrifice life for them, and if they love you in return you’ll never have to. I am learning to love myself and in the process I am going insane.

They don’t teach you to love yourself when you’re young. Everything else comes first: family, school, society, honor, etc. All of these things are important, but if you don’t have a solid foundation in “you” then havoc will wreak later.

It didn’t hit me until my late teenage years that I had been playing Jinga on a weak foundation my entire life. Someone else had to tell me to search. I didn’t know myself, my voice, my desires, or truly my strength. From the moment I met myself, I’ve walked alone; it’s been necessary to hear myself think. Outside energy can be a cloud around your inner thoughts. When you walk alone, you hear yourself on high volume speakers.

I am a loner but simultaneously, there are rare moment of bliss when certain individuals join me on my journey. Many can only bare to stick around for short periods of time since it is difficult to walk blindfolded. I don’t know where my road is taking me therefore I can’t tell you. Either you trust the path or you don’t. Most don’t. They turn around in the face of uncertainty and try a new path that seems more lit. I am walking on a road that’s mostly pitch black with few lights on the side. The darkness doesn’t matter to me though, so long as I can hear my voice. I have questions that need to be answered and can’t risk my core going mute. The entire experience of loving yourself is a process.

Who am I? What do I want to accomplish? How do I want to live? What means the most to me? What is essential? What can I purge or throw away?

There is no deadline to the answers. They come when they’re supposed to and can change in a moment’s instant. The key is living in the moment; there is no need to see the entire path when you have an internal guide. I live on my own voice and its rather nice I might add.

Am I sounding crazy yet? Yes? Good.

While we’re on that question, I’ve been thinking about insanity. I’m reading Paulo Coelho’s novel, Veronika Decides to Die. The story is layered with several life lessons, but the main crux lays in the definition of “insanity.” The novel takes place in a mental hospital after the protagonist attempts to kill herself unsuccessfully in her home. Sounds depressing, but really it’s not. Through the plot, Coelho asks who is “insane?” When is it acceptable to act out of the ordinary? Why is it okay to live a routine life without breaking any ritual? Who sets these definitions for what is normal behavior? Why are the insane the only ones who break the rules? If the mental hospital is the only space where one can do or say whatever without being judged, imagine the type of creativity and self-exploration that breeds there.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Paulo Coelho, his parent’s locked him up in a mental asylum for wanting to be a writer. Can you blame them? I mean who signs up to take the risk of being poor the rest of their lives in exchange for penning beautiful words? People who believe writing is essential to their being gladly take the risk. I am insane, I gladly accept it. Writing remains a first priority in my life because it is essential to loving me. There is no “sensible” reason why and I don’t feel the need to create one. It simply is what it is. The more that I accept it, the closer I am to liberation.

Self-love is essential. My voice is essential. Doing “good” is essential. For that, my brain is unlike the majority. I am indeed insane and hope to continue living this way for many, many years.

My legacy is self-love. Kiss your reflection the next time you look in the mirror. It may remind you why you’re on this earth in the first place.

My family never ceases to keep it real. As soon as I posted the news of my major change, the questions proceeded to flock in.  I am a melodramatic blogger/writer. I’ve always been that way. But yes, I truly thought my major change out because it depends on more than my “soul searching” mood of the moment lol.

1. I haven’t particularly decided what I am going to concentrate my doctorate in, so my major changed was not reflective of a graduate program choice. Studying literature sets you up for any program. Business, Law, Journalism, whatever. Every academic program requires analytical reading, so this is a solid foundation for any graduate school program.

2. I am most likely going to have to work my way through graduate school. Therefore, when I apply for jobs in my chosen field of magazine writing, marketing, public relations, etc., my employer needs to feel confidant that I can perform in that industry. Having an Anthropology major forced me to have to explain myself and rely on my past internship work experience to get me the job. Questions such as well aren’t you interested in archeology and digging up bones ALWAYS seemed to surface in my interviews. It got annoying and I realized that was not the brand I needed on my resume. Again, literature is writing, reading, and analyzing based, three skills that are the foundation of any executive position. For an undergraduate degree, I think that having those skills reflective in your major give your employer confidence in your ability in addition to any professional masters or doctorate you may bring to the table.

3. The Comparative Literature program REQUIRES all of its undergraduates to be bilingual before they receive their diplomas. Being bilingual, or even trilingual by the time I’m finished, will prove to be an asset not just in the corporate world but also for applying to any graduate school. We live in a global time, nothing is nation based anymore. Language requirements are a plus in every company and publication’s book, ESPECIALLY, with digital marketing and the internet forcing its presence on the world.

Those are just my three main reasons. RELAX everyone, the blogging is for your entertainment. I didn’t get into NYU for nothing people! lol